Reviewing - The Sequelogies
Good enough to merit a follow-up. Not good enough to build a franchise. Disney made a truckload of sequels (both theatrical and straight-to-video), many of which I've already covered in previous collections. But there were a few films that slipped through the cracks, mainly because each one of these was the dead end for the characters. Ranging from better-than-you'd-expect to oh-my-goodness-who-made-this (and with one brief example of 'WOW THIS IS AMAZING') , Disney's sequels and spinoff television shows are about to be picked apart by yours truly.
Bambi II (***)
In which a kid gets in a fight with a porcupine to try and impress Patrick Stewart
I got into this with low expectations, but this was surprisingly competent for a direct-to-video sequel made over six decades after the original.
First and foremost, PATRICK STEWART is in this movie! How did they get Patrick Stewart?! Picard/Professor X plays Bambi's father, the 'Great Prince'. From the moment he started talking (and that's pretty much right away), I recognized his voice. If you remember the original, Bambi's dad is a commanding and authoritative presence without having much to say. The plot of this film necessitated The Great Prince having a few more lines than last time, but Stewart does such a great job playing a father who is burdened by his own gravitas. The main thing I thought when walking away from the original was "what's the deal with Bambi's dad?" There's an air of mystery about him, and this film gets into that in a way that's uncharacteristically satisfying for this kind of sequel.
There is no getting around the fact that the music in this thing stinks. There's a few song montages that are just too sickly-sweet to be enjoyable, and it was those moments that were the clearest identifiers that this was a direct-to-video film. To be honest, though, there's not much else I have to say that's critical of the movie. Sure, there are a few jokes that are a bit too childish for me, but for the most part I think the filmmakers managed to capture the spirit of the original. The animation is great and the plot is one that many of us can relate to. Maybe I'm a sucker for father-son dynamics, but go ahead and sue me.
As theatrical films go, this is skippable for sure. But if you finish "Bambi" and want to know more about The Great Prince, this will not let you down.
Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure (*1/2)
In which a kid runs away from home because he hates baths – then he comes home and promptly receives a bath
Patrick Star’s voice actor Bill Fagerbakke has like three lines in this film – and that’s about the only good news.
So Lady and Tramp are raising their cute little puppies, but young Scamp feels that he’s not meant to be a house dog. Tramp could tell him that he used to be a stray dog and that having a family is way better, but instead, Tramp says “Just be good ‘cause I said so”. Scamp ends up running off to join a gang of street dogs. Buster, the leader of the ‘Junkyard Dogs’, turns out to be an old friend-turned-enemy of Tramp’s. He swears up and down to get revenge on Tramp for turning into a house pet, but he can’t connect the dots about this young runaway pup who looks exactly like Tramp and even has virtually the same name. And when he finally figures it out, he decides the best revenge is not to maul/eat/beat up Scamp, but to make Scamp choose the street dog life instead of his father. What kind of lame villain is that?
Beyond being uninteresting, Buster is also a little bit creepy. He keeps referring to Angel (Scamp’s love interest) as ‘his girl’, despite the fact that she’s clearly a minor in every sense of the word. The Wikipedia page lists Scamp and Angel as “teenagers”, but I’m not buying it. These guys are puppies – and even if they’re ‘mature’ puppies, Angel is still blatantly and significantly younger than Buster. The way he claims ownership of her is unsettling.
The one bit that I thought was somewhat interesting was Tramp’s approach to Scamp’s rebelliousness. When Scamp says to his dad’s face that he’s through with being a house dog, Tramp says “okay” and lets Scamp run off. It’s a very uncharacteristic call for an animated Disney dad to make – if you think of Mufasa, Marlin, The Great Prince, or the Darling’s father, each of them has a tendency to tell their kids “it’s my way or the highway” – albeit each in their own way. For Tramp to let his son make mistakes was a very different call. He let his son go, knowing that he would mess up and that Scamp would come to regret it. It’s the only part of this film that surprised me.
Oh yeah – one more thing. At the end of the film, Scamp’s home (because of course he is) and his owners – who already own SIX DOGS – end up adopting Angel. They must be loaded. Anyway, the film ends with a shot of Scamp getting a bath and making a terrible face about it. They could’ve picked a shot that showed how he was happy to be home, or how he had learned a valuable lesson – but they decided to end it off by showing Scamp how disappointed he is with the life he’s chosen. Why on earth would you make such a decision?!
This is probably the worst Disney animated sequel I’ve seen yet.
The Jungle Book 2 (*)
In which a boy is kidnapped by a bear but it’s cool because the bear doesn’t want to eat him
This is another disappointing entry in Disney’s history of animated sequels.
When the movie kicked off, I felt that they had a lot of ingredients for a good movie. They had Haley Joel Osment as Mowgli and John Goodman as Baloo, for starters. John Goodman was the perfect choice for that role. Then they got GIMLI (John Rhys-Davies) to play Mowgli’s adoptive father. I loved that. Throw in the legendary Jim Cummings to play multiple roles and Tony Jay (who provided voices in Beauty and the Beast, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Treasure Planet) as a perfectly sinister Shere Khan, and you’ve got yourself a voice cast that should be ready to knock a good script out of the park. On top of all of that, the animation is of the vibrant and colourful variety that Disney’s Renaissance Era was famous for.
Unfortunately, all of this couldn’t save a terrible story. At the end of the original film, Baloo admits that Mowgli belongs with his own people and lets him go home. Now Baloo goes back on his previous character development, deciding to kidnap Mowgli from his new family. Mowgli is totally up for it, even though we all know that Mowgli is NOT supposed to be in the jungle anymore. The whole previous movie was about that. It’s like Home Alone 2 all over again – all of the decisions and development from the original film have been abandoned. What’s worse, this movie finishes by trying to let Mowgli have it both ways. Baloo remains in the jungle, but Mowgli hops outside the village every now and then with his friends to hang out with his bear buddy. If this was an option, why didn’t things work that way last time?
Mowgli needs to grow up. He doesn’t belong in the jungle. We all know that. So ending the movie with a finale that shows how Mowgli has his feet in two different camps fundamentally overturns the theme of the original film. The original was about Mowgli leaving the wilderness behind for the next step in his journey – this one was about how it’s more fun to stay childish.
The ending just really rubbed me the wrong way. Why would we teach kids that it’s okay to remain in immaturity? There’s nothing wrong with keeping your inner kid with you as you grow, but there’s a difference between retaining your childhood self and revisiting your first grade classroom every week. There are some things we are meant to move on from, and this film pretends like that’s not the case.
I think it’s apparent that this film frustrated me, so let’s call it a day. Please skip this movie.
The Fox and the Hound 2 (**)
In which howling dogs somehow counts as carnival entertainment
This movie has literally nothing to do with the original.
I've seen a fair number of sub-par Disney animated sequels at this point, but I have to give credit where it's due: some of them actually try to take the story further and deepen our understanding of the characters. Bambi II sets out to answer the question "What the heck is Bambi's dad's deal?" Cinderella III continues the original story and forces the new princess to earn her happily-ever-after without the help of a fairy godmother. Lady and the Tramp 2 (as bad as it was) showed us how Tramp had matured, and how he tried to make sure his son didn't face the same trials that he did.
This movie does not do anything like that. It's a movie about two friends who have a bit of a hissy fit when one of them briefly joins a travelling musical group. What on earth does that have to do with the original film? The first film was about the lines between innocence and prejudice - about how our culture can drive us apart if we allow it. Why not make a sequel that picks up where the original left off? After all, it ended on a bit of a cliffhanger. Tod and Copper were still living in two different worlds. Their childhood friendship, although affirmed by their bravery for each other in the film's climax, was effectively over. Copper was living his new life, and Tod was living his. Why not make a movie about how they overcome this societal division to reignite their friendship? Maybe make Copper a guardian of Tod's conservation area or something like that. At the very least, if you're going to make a flashback film like this where they're kids again, make the story one that increases our appreciation for the turmoil they go through as adults. This was totally out of left field.
For all my disappointment, I think kids will enjoy this. There's lots of physical comedy and child-oriented jokes, and the characters are vibrant and wacky. And for what it's worth, the story they're setting out to tell isn't told poorly. It's just too safe a story for grown-ups to appreciate - and again, it has nothing to do with the original film. The characters could just as well have been anyone else: Jaq and Gus, Lilo and Stitch, Timon and Pumbaa...anyone.
This is a safe movie for your kids to watch, and they'll enjoy it. But that's it.
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (*1/2)
In which the main character falls in love with a brunette version of her original crush
What on earth is going on here?
A love triangle is a wonderful tool, but it’s really only ever used as a diversion to hold off the ending we all know is inevitable. We all knew Katniss would choose Peeta over Gale. Jim Halpert was obviously going to pick Pam over Karen. There was no doubt that Kate from LOST was gonna end up with Jack over Sawyer. And of course, Twilight’s Bella was never going to stick with Jacob over Edward. It’s fun as an audience to see another love interest come in and complicate things, but we’re only fooling ourselves by pretending that the ‘other’ character has even got a chance.
But somehow, the bozos who made this movie didn’t get that memo, because Pocahontas ends up with some loser named John Rolf who’s basically a mirror image of John Smith but brunette. And John Smith is shockingly more than okay with this! After everything the first movie did to cement these two characters as star-crossed lovers torn apart by unfortunate circumstances, they led us to this film where both of them just kind of agreed that they weren’t each other’s true loves. John Smith’s true love is the sea, as it turns out. And Pocahontas’ true love is this pompous Englishman who didn’t star in a multiple-Oscar-winning film.
And by the way, the music wasn’t that great either. Skip!
The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (*)
In which some doofus decided to decorate the inside of a giant bell as if anyone is ever going to see that
I’m reminded again here of how Disney has the unfortunate tendency of slapping its original masterpieces in the face with dismal, offensively bad sequels.
You could watch the first ten minutes of this movie and have seen the whole thing. There’s a Festival of Love, and Quasimodo doesn’t have a girlfriend. Then along comes this girl in the circus. Her master tells her to befriend Quasimodo in order to figure out where this expensive bell thing is. From right there, you know how it’s going to go. She’s going to hang out with Quasi and realize he’s not so bad. They’ll fall in love, but then her master is going to steal the bell and their relationship will collapse. But somehow, Quasi will forgive her, they’ll save the bell, and end up together. We’ve seen this a million times. We’ve seen it in Pocahontas and Avatar, for example. It’s not the worst story ever – it’s just that it’s been done infinitely better already. We don’t need this story again.
The animation takes a steep dive in quality. The music stinks, as usual for a Disney sequel. The plot is offensively predictable. Skip this for sure.
Hercules: The Series (***1/2)
Charming but unsensational, this show is harmlessly forgettable aside from one must-see episode.
Seriously, I’m giving it an entire half-star because of this episode that I’m going to talk about in a minute. But before we get there, let’s focus on the show itself. It’s basically around the same level of quality as previously reviewed shows like Aladdin or The Little Mermaid have been. The animation is obviously a huge step down from the movie, but it’s not terrible. It was a relief to get the voice actor for Hercules on board for the show, because that could’ve been a huge let-down otherwise. What sets the show apart from its companions is its style of humour. Just like in the movie, the show gives us plenty of modern-day sets and situations converted into Ancient Greek times. For example, at one point Hercules and his friends are going to a box office to purchase tickets for a ‘play’, although for all intents and purposes it looks exactly like a movie theatre. There’s lots of little bits like this where the animators got creative, and they make the show fairly charming.
For me, the selling point of this show was the emphasis on Greek mythology. Although I only saw a few episodes of the show as a kid, I really loved getting to see more of Zeus and the other gods doing stuff. I was an absolute sucker for mythology as a kid (and yeah, I am still an absolute sucker), and a show like this would’ve been a blast to watch through back then. The episodes that I watched this time around gave us more time with the gods that only received a few seconds of screen time in the movie, like Ares, Hephaestus, and Athena. Getting to see the gods interact with each other and try to meddle with mortal affairs was a lot of fun, and I imagine the rest of the show gets into that a fair bit more.
Okay, but the best part of this show – bar none – was an episode that SHOULD HAVE been a game-changer. This should have kicked off a new level of Disney entertainment, but somehow it’s been forgotten and lost to history. The episode is “Hercules and the Arabian Night”, and it’s the best Disney-animated series episode I’ve ever seen. It’s basically the “Captain America: Civil War” of Disney cartoons.
So remember Aladdin? Well, at the end of “Return of Jafar”, Jafar was killed after Iago dumped his lamp in a pit of lava. Believe it or not, this episode picks up where that movie left off. Jafar’s spirit goes to the underworld, where he meets HADES. Wow! How awesome is that?! I mean, sure, there have been little Easter eggs here and there throughout these films and series, but this is the first time that a genuine full-on character from one franchise has entered another one to play a major role. This is a BIG DEAL! Better than just showing up, Jafar is here for the whole episode. Basically, Jafar and Hades decide to switch their opponents. Jafar tries to take on Hercules, and Hades tries to take on Aladdin. That doesn’t work out, so they do what Zemo tried to do in Captain America 3 – they pit Hercules and Aladdin against each other.
Yes, in this episode, THE Hercules and THE Aladdin get in a battle with each other. It’s absolutely terrific, and it’s also a crime that this is not a two-part episode. But the worst crime of all is that we’ve never seen anything like this ever since. I guess “Ralph Breaks The Internet” comes close, but the Princesses in that film are technically only online representations of our Disney heroines – not the real princesses themselves. All I want is an Avengers-style film where all the great Disney heroes do battle with an evil foe. Just imagine Aladdin on his carpet, Hercules on Pegasus, Tarzan riding Simba, Cinderella wielding the Godmother’s magic wand while Ariel twirls Triton’s trident...why on earth have they not made this movie yet???
So yeah, that one episode alone is an absolute showstopper. The rest of the series is fine too, but it’s that one episode that propels this show to new heights. More of this, Disney!
Mulan II (**1/2)
In which Mushu is now voiced by a white guy and we’re all supposed to be okay with that
This is the movie that proved to me that you can’t always judge a film by its first ten minutes.
Years ago, this movie must have been on Netflix or cable TV or something, and my brother and I decided to sit down and watch it. The first strike was that Mushu was no longer voiced by Eddie Murphy. Obviously the chances were slim that that would’ve ever been a possibility, but it’s still worth complaining about – even if the replacement gave it everything he had. The second strike was that the music was stereotypically lacklustre, as nearly all of the music for these direct-to-video sequels have been. There’s one song fairly early on where Mulan is teaching a bunch of young girls to be warriors, and it’s just too cheesy to bear. The only time Mulan sang in the original was to herself or in her own head, without other people around. This felt out-of-place for her character.
And then came strike three. The Emperor summoned Mulan and Shang for a special mission. The Mongol horde was approaching, threatening to conquer all of China. China didn’t have what it took to hold off this army on their own, so the Emperor had arranged an alliance between them and the kingdom of Qui Gong (no, not the Jedi). In order to seal the alliance, the Emperor’s three daughters were going to be married to three princes from the neighbouring kingdom.
I can’t tell you how normal a practice this has been for thousands of years. One of the best ways to unify two peoples is by getting people married. When you make a bond like that, it’s a powerful message of cooperation – AND it gives both sides an emotional stake when it comes to fighting for each other. Just as marriage creates a bond between two families, it has also unified nations for millenia.
Now sure, we tend to frown on arranged marriages in this day and age. And for what it’s worth, I’m all for letting people pick the person they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. But we can’t ignore the fact that arranged marriages have been a crucial element of politics and international diplomacy for thousands of years. What the Emperor is doing here will save both China and Qui Gong. Further, all three of his daughters are initially on board with doing this to serve their country – as are the three princes from the other kingdom. It’s a no brainer.
But in walks Mulan with this scowl on her face, and she exclaims,
“An arranged marriage?!”
What, are you gonna tell me that Mulan doesn’t know how commonplace this is within her own culture? For Pete’s sake, she went to see a matchmaker in the first film. Sure, she didn’t like it, but she’s gotta know how normal of a thing this is and how many people seem totally fine with it. And come on! The safety of the kingdom is in jeopardy! Mulan’s own family could be enslaved by Mongols, and these marriages will make sure that doesn’t happen! Get on board, Mulan!
So as my brother and I sat watching this, our interest quickly faded. It seemed that only one ending was inevitable – that the three princesses would find someone else to marry and Mulan wouldn’t have to watch anyone go through the dreaded ‘arranged marriage’. We ended up stopping the movie to go do something else, and we never saw the ending. It wasn’t until years and years later that I encountered the film again during my watch-through of the entire Disney Animation Studios library, and something happened that made my jaw drop.
By the time we get to the film’s climax, the three princesses have fallen in love with Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po – the three guys we liked from the original film. Mulan doesn’t want them to be separated from their true loves for the rest of their lives, and she’s under the impression that Shang is dead (that’s a whole other thing). So she offers herself as a bride in the place of the three sisters.
Here’s what’s very cool about this. Up until this point, Mulan’s been preaching that our first duty is always to our heart – which is bogus, because our hearts are fickle, constantly shifting, and utterly subjective. If all you stand for is your own desires, you’ll end up looking far more like a Disney villain than the hero. But here, she realizes that some things are more important than getting what you want – specifically, standing up for others. As Spider-Man would say, “Sometimes, in order to do what’s right, we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most...even our dreams.” Of course arranged marriages where people are forced in to them are terrible. I’m not contesting that. What’s significant here is that Mulan is realizing that this marriage will save the people she cares about. She’s willingly making a sacrifice that will ensure the safety and security of others. She finally understands the mindset that the three princesses first had, or the mindset that Marius from Les Miserables had when he left his love behind to stand and fight with his brothers. There are some things more important than picking your true love.
To spare you the panic, of course Mulan doesn’t have to go through with it. Everyone ends up marrying someone they love, and that’s awesome. But for a moment, Mulan was willing to give her life for three young women – and whether the system she lived in was good or not, her heart behind her actions was very cool.
All that said, the movie’s music fell flat, as did the jokes. And apart from this moment I’ve talked about, the plot still largely sucked. But hey, I still have to admit that I misjudged this film the first time. And for that, I am truly sorry.
Atlantis: Milo’s Return (*1/2)
In which a giant demonic octopus possesses a few people before getting exploded into its true form
Cthulhu fans, rejoice. Everyone else, run for it.
The first Atlantis film was way off-brand for Disney. I can’t recall another animated Disney flick with machine guns in it, or someone getting a bloody lip from getting punched in the face. I guess they decided to double down on their bet, because this movie is just as out-of-place as the original. It’s a package film made up of three episodes of an Atlantis show that never came to light (thankfully). The first episode is positively Lovecraftian – if that word is unfamiliar to you, trust me, you’re not missing much. H. P. Lovecraft was a fiction author who wrote about bizarre horrific monster-gods, usually with weird mind powers that drove mortals insane. In other words, the perfect author to base a Disney film on, right?
WHAT?!
So our heroes from the original film meet up in Atlantis and then head to Iceland or something. They find this small little town where everyone looks like they’ve been hypnotized, and there’s one creepy old guy who really doesn’t want them there. There’s also a giant kraken with glowing eyes in the water that wants to gobble our guys up. Here’s the crazy backstory – all the fish started disappearing, preventing the town from getting food. The creepy old guy basically sold the souls of the townspeople to the kraken in exchange for food (cause that’s a fair deal, of course) and unnatural long life for himself. So the kraken brings food to the village by ransacking passing ships, and in return feeds off of the souls of the villagers or something like that. There’s speculation that the kraken may have intentionally eaten all the fish to force this deal into existence, which is pretty rude, but whatever. And now when our heroes show up, the kraken starts possessing them and trying to kill them all.
A haunted coastal town, a creepy old guy, and a tentacled undersea monster with hypnotizing powers. This is not exactly what Disney’s become famous for, but here we are. It’s actually pretty well executed for a horror story. The only thing that I didn’t like from that segment was that they finally blew the squid up and it kind of just faded into nothingness. Did it die? Did it pass into an ethereal form? Was it all just a hallucination? WHAT ARE THE RULES, PEOPLE?!
The other two stories are inconsequential in comparison. They go to the Wild West and find demon sand dogs, and then in the third segment they find a rich guy who’s gone insane and thinks he’s Odin. What I don’t understand about this film is who exactly it’s meant to be targeted at. It’s a bit too mature for young audiences, with its horror-based content and the demonic forces at work within it. But it’s also a Disney animated production, which would imply it’s geared towards families. It’s definitely not for adults, because it’s too cheaply animated and relies on a few comical gags that are so obviously lowbrow. Who is supposed to be watching this thing?
Apart from me, I mean.
Brother Bear 2 (**)
In which a woman would rather marry a bear than her fiancé and everyone’s shockingly okay with this
How many people are the spirits going to turn into bears before all of this is over?!
So Joaquin Phoenix is gone as Kenai, but Patrick Dempsey stepped in to replace him. As voice replacements go, that’s not so bad. Dempsey kept Kenai likeable. What was a big shock to me was learning that Mandy Moore played the love interest. Down the road, she’d turn out to be Rapunzel, but I had no idea that Rapunzel was not her first time providing a voice for a Disney character. She does a good job here, all things considered.
But here’s my gripe. Kenai and Mandy (I don’t remember her actual name and don’t care enough to look it up) fall in love over the course of the film, even though he’s a bear and she’s 100% not a bear. There’s a bit of tension there, because Koda is worried that Kenai is going to turn himself back into a human to be with her. And yeah, why wouldn’t he? His only other romantic options are BEARS. There’s no contest here, kid. But anyway, Kenai tells Mandy that he can’t just leave Koda behind.
There’s an easy solution that the original film also never considered. Why not just turn Koda into a human?! Kenai is his only family, and Kenai has a whole family system back in the human world. If Koda gets turned into a human, he can get raised by Kenai and Mandy in a loving and safe environment. But instead, Mandy turns into a bear! Why?! She’s gonna have to leave her whole family behind just to be with Kenai. Bogus!
This is another thoroughly skippable movie.
Big Hero 6: The Series (***)
With an almost seamless transition into two-dimensional animation, ‘Big Hero 6: The Series’ is a fun continuation of the story that began with the original film.
Like I said in my review of the movie, Big Hero 6 is fine. I just don’t care about it. This show is pretty much the same thing. They’ve got a good formula for how the show moves at the start, introducing us to some new recurring characters and setting the stage for some dramatic moments to come further ahead. Like with all other Disney shows, I only watched the first five episodes, but they were good in terms of making me want to keep watching. There’s an arc that isn’t finished by the time I was done, and I’m a sucker for arcs.
Even so, there’s no character that hogs the screen or makes me dying to come back. And the direction the show seems to be taking seems all too familiar. That’s not to say it’s gonna be bad, but there’s certainly no reason for me to follow it. Kids who like superheroes might enjoy it, though – and let’s be honest – they’re the target market anyway.