After a heartbreaking year-long pandemic-induced delay, the trailer for Jurassic World: Dominion is finally here. And man oh man - I'm likely speaking way too soon, but I think this has the potential to be the best Jurassic flick since the original.
While a lot of people didn't like Fallen Kingdom, we've got to give it credit for opening the door to a whole new format of Jurassic storytelling. We're finally off the island, which means the possibilities are limitless.
But they're also potentially world-ending.
While we wait to find out if this film ends with the extinction of civilization as we know it, let's not forget that the Jurassic franchise has been growing even though it hasn't been in theatres lately. Netflix's Camp Cretaceous wrapped its fourth season not too long ago - and while it wasn't the greatest, the show itself is definitely worth a shot.
Camp Cretaceous - Season Four
Well, this season made a few big mistakes – I might not stick around much longer.
First of all, no one got eaten. If people don’t get eaten, then these dinosaurs are really just teddy bears. I know we can’t let any of the protagonists die – because they’re the main characters and also kids – but someone’s gotta get the short end of the stick to keep reminding us that bringing the dinosaurs back was probably not a good idea.
Secondly, it was a matter of minutes before our characters were shipwrecked on another island with dinosaurs on it. It’s stupid to begin with, but it gets worse. You’d think if this was the route the writers were going to take, they’d make the kids crash on Isla Sorna. Isla Nublar is where the original Jurassic Park was, and Isla Sorna was the Island from Jurassic Park 2 – a place where dinosaurs were more or less allowed to roam free. It would’ve allowed them to maybe see more of the behind-the-scenes stuff of the parks, and keep them in a dino-infested jungle. But instead, the writers expect us to believe that there happens to be another island nearby. And it’s owned by another company. That also has dinosaurs.
What?!
I know that corporate espionage has been a part of this franchise since the beginning – but the idea that someone’s built a proverbial secret Burger King next to the original McDonalds seems a bit far-fetched. And it’s not just that they’ve got a nextdoor island of dinosaurs. It’s that the tech on this top-secret island is ten times more advanced than how things are back in Jurassic World. The island is filled with different biomes, each encased with hologram walls that have no discernible beginning or end. Are these walls just fancy fences, or do the walls turn into ceilings as well? I mean, it’s snowing in one biome and it’s a desert in the other. I feel like you’d need god-like control in order to be able to pull that off.
Then there’s the fact that the dinosaurs don’t seem to get punished for hitting these walls. There’s no electro-shock reinforcement, meaning if a dinosaur was committed enough, they might be able to do some real damage to these things. They just seem so massively expensive – particularly because this isn’t a theme park. Where are you getting the funds to put up these walls? And how are they better than just regular concrete? Why make these at all?
So there’s that – but then there’s the fact that this island seems to be inhabited by two employees. Just two. On a top-secret research island with likely billions of dollars of assets lying around. That’s worse than a skeleton crew – it’s a ghost town. I just can’t fathom how that makes sense – and if the writers included a throwaway line to help rationalize it, I missed it.
And then there’s the fact that the bad guy has an army of killer robots. Look, I know this is just a kid’s show, and at the end of the day it’s about dinosaurs which have been extinct forever, but if you can make an army of killer robots, why are you wasting your time trying to sell dinosaur fights? Sell the robots! You’ll be a gazillionaire! But that aside, it’s just cheesy to have a bad guy with an army of robots. Every villain and their mother has an army of robots. That’s not what we came to see in Camp Cretaceous. We came to see dinosaurs.
This season wasn’t wholly irredeemable. The dinosaur animation was as great as ever, and we got to see Spinosaurus as well as a few more dinosaur battles. But it just seems like the writers are afraid to put these kids back in the real world. We know that dinosaurs are on the mainland now – and if they’re not, they will be very soon. Why not get the kids home, do a bit of a time jump, and continue the storytelling there? We need to get off the island. And if the final seconds of this season are any indication, that won’t be happening anytime soon.
This post was originally published on June 11, 2021.