Reviewing - Star Wars: The Prequels
Loved by few and mocked by millions, the Star Wars Prequels were the second phase of George Lucas' story in a galaxy far, far away. Despite a frustratingly high number of ludicrous lines and some immortally annoying characters, there's something about these films that have cemented them as part of 21st century pop culture.
The Best: Revenge of the Sith
The Worst: Attack of the Clones
The Phantom Menace (**)
In which the negotiations do not feel short
I had seen this movie dozens of times as a child, but it had been many years since I had revisited this chapter of the Star Wars saga. Since then, I had learned all the many reasons people hate this movie. Even so, when Jenna told me that she wanted to watch through the series, I knew in my heart that this was the place to begin.
Re-watching it with Jenna, we both realized just how dry the film is. All of the important characters speak like they’re at a funeral. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Padme…they’re all super boring. And that’s tragic because they’re the focal points of the film. Ironically, the only characters who don’t bore the audience to death with their monotonous dialogue are the characters that most critics hate the most. I loved Jar-Jar as a kid, but even ignoring the racist overtones I now see, he’s still a grossly annoying character. Anakin is the other character who speaks like what he’s talking about matters, but most people don’t like him because he’s not what “Darth Vader should be”. I actually thought Anakin was pretty fun in this movie…it’s the next film where I come to despise him.
The action sequences are still great. The podrace is fun, and the famous two-on-one lightsabre duel is unforgettable. And let’s not forget how iconic Darth Maul is as a villain – as quiet as he is. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to save this disappointing chapter in the Star Wars franchise.
Attack of the Clones (*)
In which a man woos a woman by discussing his disdain for sand
If there is a low point to the Star Wars franchise – and there is – this is it. Anakin is a snivelling, whiny, creepy, snarky, and inept character. Even when I was a kid I hated him. I remember thinking to myself “This is not Darth Vader. This is a punk.” Anakin needs to get angry, of course, but there’s a difference between angry and whiny. You can’t look cool while you’re being whiny. Every single second that Anakin and Padme are on screen together, I cringe. The dialogue is notoriously horrible, from the classic “I hate sand” bit to less-remembered but still-terrible lines like “You’re exactly the way I remember you in my dreams”. BARF. Any ounce of enjoyment that can be found in this film is overpowered by the nauseating romance shoved into it.
The only thing that saved this movie for me as a kid was the crazy Jedi battle that erupts at the end of the film. Is it a little much? Yes. Would it have made more sense to send the clone troopers in first and THEN send in the far-more-valuable Jedi instead of letting literally dozens of Jedi die? Probably. But hey, you can’t have everything. And regardless of how much it makes sense, you still get to see a bunch of Jedi swinging lightsabres around, and that’s pretty cool.
Other than that, this largely sucked.
Revenge of the Sith (***)
In which we learn the importance of having the high ground
This is the highlight of the prequel trilogy for sure. The galaxy comes crashing down, and everything’s messed up, and it’s awesome. Anakin is as close to “the Anakin we always wanted” as we’re ever going to get. He looks like a Jedi and not a punk, and he’s torn without being angsty. Sure, every moment between him and Padme still sucks, but we get an insane final lightsabre duel, and watching the Jedi Order get wiped out is oddly cathartic. This is when Star Wars becomes Star Wars, if that makes any sense.
One thing that I really enjoy about this film is the whole “Anakin is the Chosen One” idea. It gets introduced in Episode I, but we get into it a little bit more here – obviously it’s addressed most dramatically at the end of the final duel with Obi Wan screaming “You were the Chosen One!” People may call that melodrama, but I think this is one part of the Prequel Trilogy that really hits the mark. We all know that Darth Vader eventually returns to the light and vanquishes the Emperor, bringing balance to the Force. But it’s cool here to see Obi Wan in anguish – in his mind, the Prophecy is broken. Either it was never true in the first place, or Anakin wasn’t the Chosen One after all. We know that Anakin is still the Chosen One – his actions in Episode 6 bring balance to the Force – but it’s neat that he is both the person to fulfill the Prophecy and also necessitate the Prophecy. I like that.
This post was originally published on December 9th, 2019.