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Scene One
Thursday, December 11
The stage is split into two "homes" on either side. On stage left is the one house, with a coffee table and couch. On stage right is the second house, with a kitchen table with two chairs. Sophie and Mark are sitting at the kitchen table, silently discussing over a calendar. The first house is lit up but the second house is dark. Anne is standing to the right side of the couch, stirring a pot wrapped in her arm. Jimmy and Sally run in from stage left, towards Anne to hug her. They are wearing backpacks.
Jimmy and Sally: We're home, mom!
Anne appears slightly overwhelmed and continues to stir while her children hug her. She musters the energy to put on an enthusiastic voice.
Anne: Hey! How was school?
Jimmy: Lame.
Anne: Somehow I doubt that, Jimmy.
Sally: We made our Christmas lists for Santa during lunch, mom! Just like you asked!
Sally and Jimmy pull papers out of their pockets. They try handing it to their mother, but her hands are full.
Anne: Sally, I'm making dinner. Go set it down on the coffee table.
Sally and Jimmy set the lists down. The moment Jimmy's is on the ground, he pipes up.
Jimmy: Hey, let's put on a Christmas movie!
Sally: Yay! Can we watch Elf?
Jimmy: Yuck. Lamest movie ever.
Sally: It is not!
Jimmy: I wanna watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
Anne: (still stirring) You just watched that yesterday.
Jimmy: I love the part where he scares the kids off the mountain, (trying to re-enact it) and, and he uses this big giant face thing, and- and the dog-
Sally: (interrupting Jimmy) I wanna watch Elf.
Anne: How about setting the table? Wanna give that a shot?
Bruce enters from stage left, carrying a suitcase. He is brushing himself off from the snow outside.
Jimmy and Sally: DADDY!
The children run towards him. Bruce opens his arms for a hug, but they stop a foot away from him.
Jimmy: The Grinch or Elf?
Bruce: (flustered) I'm sorry?
Sally: I wanna watch Elf but Jimmy wants to watch the Grinch but we watched it yesterday and Jimmy always says the lines out loud and-
Jimmy: THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Bruce rolls his eyes as he sets down his briefcase and takes off his jacket.
Sally: Which Christmas movie do you wanna watch, dad?
Bruce: Die Hard.
Anne: That's NOT a Christmas movie!
Bruce: Yes it is, dear!
Bruce, Jimmy, and Sally begin silently trying to pick a movie to watch, while Anne tries to coax one of them into helping her. The lighting shifts to focus on the second house. Sophie and Mark begin talking out loud.
Sophie: So we'll have my parents over for the 22nd, and your parents over for Christmas Eve.
Mark: No, that won't work, dear.
Sophie: Why not?
Mark: Your parents will want to see your brother, and he can only come on Christmas Eve. So they've gotta come on Christmas Eve. My parents can probably come on the 22nd.
Sophie: Mark, honey, if your parents come on the 22nd, that means they'll be here when your cousins are, and you know how well that worked out last time.
Mark: Oh, they were fine. Really.
Sophie: Do you remember what happened to the carpet?
Mark: Okay, okay. So we get my cousins to come over on the 22nd. I'll call my dad and see if he and his wife can do the 23rd instead of Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve we get your brother and parents to come, and on Christmas Day we get the house to ourselves.
Sophie: We can't do the 23rd, we're having dinner with the Richardsons.
Mark: (rubbing forehead) This is ridiculous.
Sophie: This is Christmas, dear.
Mark: Why can't we just send them all cards with photos of us like other people do?
Tricia and Jack run in from stage right. They are loud and enthusiastic.
Tricia: Mommmmm, Jack says Santa Claus isn't real.
Jack: Wikipedia says he's a legendary figure! That means he's not real! Wikipedia never lies!
Tricia: Just because he's legendary doesn't mean he's not real!
Sophie: Jack, Tricia...Mommy and Daddy are trying to keep Christmas from collapsing into nothingness. Could you keep it down, please?
Jack: Can we go see the Trolls movie tomorrow? Please?
Mark: Are you paying?
Sophie: Money's a little tight right now, Jack.
Jack: So what you're saying is Christmas is cancelled.
Sophie: I am not-
Tricia: (interrupting) YOU CAN'T CANCEL CHRISTMAS!
Mark: If the volume in this room does not diminish significantly in the next few moments, there's no telling what I can't do.
Tricia and Jack begin to argue silently while Mark and Sophie discuss silently their Christmas season plans. The lighting again shifts to focus on the first house. Once the lighting leaves the second house, Mark, Sophie, Tricia, and Jack exit stage right. Jimmy grabs his Christmas list and hands it to Bruce.
Jimmy: Here's my Christmas list, Dad. Can you mail it to Santa for me?
Bruce: Absolutely, son. Let's see what we've got here...(reading the list) I'm sorry, does this say rocket launcher?
Jimmy: (explaining) For recreation only, I promise.
Bruce: (continues reading the list) A live horse.
Jimmy: You keep telling me to play outside!
Bruce: A fully operational tank.
Jimmy: For when the horse gets tired.
Bruce grabs Sally's list and walks over to Anne. Jimmy and Sally exit stage left.
Bruce: Honey, uh, here are the lists...for uh, "Santa".
Anne: Super. (looking over Jimmy's list) What's a sub-atomic particle transmitter?
Jimmy: (poking his head back on stage for only a moment) Santa will know.
Bruce: I don't think I'm comfortable purchasing any of the items on Jimmy's list.
Anne: Well here, Sally wants one of those new baby dolls that you have to feed and change.
Bruce: She'd have to wait nine months.
Anne: (hitting Bruce) Dear!
Bruce: Seriously though, honey, where are we gonna find the time to get this done? The family's coming over tomorrow night and we have to clean the house. I'm still trying to get out of working Christmas Eve, and that's probably going to mean picking up extra shifts sometime this week. The church is having that concert thing on Friday and we have to go to that.
Anne: We'll make it work. I just wish we had a bit more time. Everything's so hectic right now.
Bruce: I'll pray for God to stop time. It's worth a shot.
Anne: Oh, joy.
Bruce and Anne exit.